There’s a lot of pressure in a family when you have kids.
There’s so much to do. All. The. Time.
I have my own to-do lists in my head.
And I used to have to-do lists for the kids and my husband too.
Some of us have a “honey-do” list hanging on the fridge. It’s a list of chores a wife makes for her husband. The minute one chore is crossed off, there’s usually three more to take its place.
And then there’s the way Daddy does things.
Daddy does things differently than Mommy.
Daddy doesn’t do the dishes the same way. Or put the kids to bed with the same routine, or talk to the kids the same way Mommy does.
Moms and kids take on the task of teaching Daddy how to do things the “right way,” the way Mommy does it.
But what is the “right way?” …
Think about your husband for a moment. The Dear One, the hubby, the hubs, Pookie.
Is he a good man?
If he is a good man, why are we putting so much pressure on him to be different?
Does he really have to do things the way Mommy does?
Instead of seeing all the things he “should” be doing, what if we see the things he is actually doing?
And what would happen if we learned to appreciate him, just the way he is?
Would the dishes get done? How would the kids behave? If Daddy just does what he does, would everything fall apart?
As a mom, I kept it all together for a long time. I did it by running everyone’s to-do lists, but it got to the point where that didn’t work anymore — it wasn’t good for me. It was too much pressure.
I needed a change. So I experimented with a simple technique I call “Daddy do.”
If you’d like to give it a try, here’s how:
Put the words “Daddy do” on a post-it note on your fridge as a reminder.
Every time you see Daddy doing something different and you get the urge to say, “Honey you should —,” try to catch yourself. Stop, and tell yourself, “Daddy do.”
As in, “Daddy does what he does.” And that’s ok. He’s a good man. You married a good man.
“Daddy do” has become a permanent part of our family’s life. Today sometimes it’s “Mommy do,” or “Brother do,” or “Grandma do.”
As in, we all have our own ways of doing things. And that’s ok.
Now, if whatever we’re doing is hurtful, that’s not ok, but this is for alllllll the other times.
So here’s your challenge (it may make your heart skip a beat): if there’s a “honey-do” list on the fridge, go to the list and toss it. This is your leap of faith. See what happens.
One step at a time, let some pressure off your honey and let him do things his way.
You might re-discover that amazing man you married, and you and the kids can learn to love and appreciate him for his ways.
And… when you’re no longer running the hubby’s “to-do,” you can take one more “to-do” off your list. <3
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