When you lose your temper, you don’t feel like yourself. You’re a loving, hard-working mom. Sometimes those out-of-control moments are hard to admit and even harder to talk about.
I’ve been there, and I’ve come out on the other side.
Hi. I’m Jeanette Hargreaves, parenting coach. I help moms (and dads too) who lose their temper. They tell themselves, “That’ll be the last time,” over and over. I teach them new ways to have patience and control so they can be the mom they want to be.
I inherited my hot temper from my dad.
In my family growing up, anger was scary. When dad got angry and yelled, it’s like he was a different person. I didn’t learn how to feel or express anger in a healthy way. I didn’t know I could. I was angry a lot, for a lot of reasons. I yelled too. I blamed others for making me angry. I blamed my dad, and then I blamed my kids.
When I had kids, my temper got worse.
When I had kids it made me feel tired and worn down. My hot temper became more difficult to control. During one of my worst out-of-control moments, I yelled at my little girl and spanked her for spilling bubbles. Yes, bubbles. I felt so sad and ashamed. I couldn’t get it out of my mind for days.
I really wanted that to be the last time I lost my temper, but there was a part of me that knew it wasn’t the end. And worse, I worried I might pass my hot temper on to my kids and my future grandkids. I knew I had to do something.
I got help.
I got help from various sources, but none of them were designed to help me specifically with my temper problem. I kept working at it — I was determined. I wanted a better life for my kids and me. I called on all of my education and experiences. I researched. I worked on my temper until I had a breakthrough. I learned how to act in healthier ways and how to tame my temper.
In the end, it was counselors and coaches, people who didn’t lose their temper, who were my greatest guides.
It felt like breaking out of a prison I didn’t even know I was in. I could breathe. I found joy in myself and confidence in my parenting. Those days of guilt and nights lying awake with regret were over.
I learned how to feel anger in a healthy way, and I’m teaching my kids how to do it too.
I found that patience and control I never had before, and now I’m the mom I want to be. Am I perfect? No. I still get worn down and tired sometimes, and if I do have an angry moment, I know how to heal myself and my relationships afterward.
I wanted to help others.
I knew there were other moms out there like me who felt trapped in the cycle of losing it followed by guilt. They didn’t want to pass their hot tempers on to their kids either. So I got training as a coach.
And here I am. I’m here for you. Together, we can end the pain and shame your temper brings to your life.
I love my job.
One of the moms I’ve helped messaged me the other day. She told me that she was in a situation where she would have “blown up” in the past. That day, she didn’t. She felt so good. So did I.
To read about the time I threw banana bread, and the time I screamed over spilt bubbles, buy my book.